I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
