I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
