My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
