Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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