so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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