Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
