remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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