yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
