I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
