The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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