please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
