Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
