escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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