oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize