Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
