thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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