Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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