Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
