MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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