I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
