My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
