I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
