im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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