I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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