i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
