I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
