omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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