Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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