I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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