i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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