so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
