He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
