I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
