I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
