They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
