I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
