You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
