First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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