): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
