If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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