eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
