I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
