I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
