Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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