My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
