Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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