Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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