Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Screwed.edu
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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