I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
