yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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