Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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