Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish I only lived at night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
