so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
