Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
