There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
