After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
