Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
