You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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