this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
