Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
