so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
