I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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