Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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