so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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